For Myself Alone: A Jane Austen Inspired Novel by Winslow Shannon

Author:Winslow, Shannon [Winslow, Shannon]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Heather Ridge Arts
Published: 2012-03-29T04:00:00+00:00

24

Christmas

Christmas Day breaks clear and crisp over Wallerton, with only remnants of the previous day’s snowfall preserved in shaded corners and hollows. Most of it has already dissolved with the sun. No similar warmth has come to chase away yesterday’s trauma over Arthur and Agnes, however. The chill of that memory remains fully intact. It comprised the substance of my thoughts and prayers until I fell asleep last night, and my first consideration upon waking. Still, it is Christmas, and I am determined to set the distressing subject aside as much as possible in favor of more cheerful reflections.

After morning services, the rest of the day will be spent in the friendly confines of my own family. It occurs to me that this might well be the last Christmas that the five of us will share together on our own. Although I think it unlikely Tom will marry anytime soon, Frederick is four years older and well established at Millwalk. There can be no obstacle whatever to his taking a wife as soon as he wishes. With a pang, I remember that this would have been my last Christmas at home as well had my plans with Richard not run aground – another sore subject on which not to dwell today.

So much has changed lately that I appreciate the constant and the familiar more than ever before. Other than my family, and a dwindling list of true friends, I can think of nothing else so constant in my life as the church. The scriptures, liturgy, and hymns I have known since childhood never fail to bring me comfort when my own small troubles threaten to overwhelm me. As we walk into the village, I hope for that same consolation again.

The whole community will be in church; the pews are always full on Christmas Day. How glad I am that news of my failed engagement has not yet got out. At least the day will not be spoilt by the fear that every look and whisper makes me its object of derision. I am safe from that fate for now. Even so, I will likely have to endure some uncomfortable comments and questions. The possibility of another confrontation with Arthur worries me more.

We arrive just before the start of the service, and file into our pew without incident. The Pittmans, not surprisingly, are missing. One fleeting look confirms that Arthur is present, however, sitting with his mother and brothers straight across from me in the Evensongs’ customary place. He catches my eye; I immediately withdraw it to focus on the words before me in my Prayer Book.

I lose myself temporarily in the music and message of the service. Afterward, Mrs. Oddbody makes her way with purposeful haste to my side. She is a talkative old lady with a nose for gossip, the very sort I should wish to avoid just now. Yet there is no evading her today.

“My dear Miss Walker, how glad I am to see you are come back. And looking so very well too!”

“You are too kind, Mrs.

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